Friday, 23 December 2011

TTR Blog Exclusive

Hello everybody,
So since release you have all been showing immense amounts of support for the project and buying the book, and we are all so very thankful. However it was brought to my attention that during the production of the book, one of the articles (Written by Jennifer Grudziecki) vanished from my computer and never made light of day in the printed copy.
So to rectify this injustice, to turn lemons into lemonade and to give you a sneak preview as to what to expect from The Thought Report 2011, we bring to you:

“Occupy Whatever” 
Or “Americans: Rejecting Socialism Since 1776”

Occupy Wall Street — you know you’ve heard of it. In fact, for the entire fall of 2011, you’ve probably heard of nothing but this blessed joy of a movement. But despite the fixed attention of every major media outlet in the world, it’s still hard to be sure what to think of this series of protests going down in Manhattan’s Zucotti Park—after all, the news has so far unfairly criticized the protestors as being “indecisive” and “vague.” We’d like to set things straight.

In general, the protesters are advocating socio-economic equality, higher employment rates, more restrictions on corporate greed and political influence, increased research for curing the common cold, eternal life for household pets and fluffy creatures, and the end of all the bad things that happen in the world, ever. (We may have added a few things to the list.)

Surprisingly, it appears that most of the non-protesters find these requests a bit… extreme. Unrealistic, even. Personally, we can’t imagine why. What’s unrealistic about asking businessmen to stop wanting to get richer? Why is it impossible to employ every single person in America? Why can’t the government make everyone act kindly and unbiased toward everyone else? After all, the government, the all-powerful American government, should easily be able to control the acts and intentions of each and every one of its citizens. And we liberal Americans do love it so much when the government restricts our thoughts and actions, right? Maybe we 99% (or 1%, or whatever it is that we are) should reconsider why we don’t want the government intervening our daily lives—after all, it’s not like liberty and the pursuit of individual happiness are principles this country was founded on.

Beside their general demands, though, the protestors are having a difficult time making a list of specific request for immediate government action. Many people have blamed this on the fact that  the Occupy Wall Street movement fundamentally opposes leader-based structures and instead prefers complete equality of its members—therefore making it impossible for any one person to decide what goes on the list and what doesn’t. We think that’s silly—why shouldn’t the protestors simply agree on something? Having no set authorities should make it easier to for every person’s voice to be heard and acted on. 

No, the only reason for this kind of indecisiveness is sabotage. Undoubtedly the OWS movement has been infiltrated by inequality-supporting individuals who are suppressing agreement and unity (and, no doubt, leaving those nasty crystal meth and cocaine remains around the camp in a poor attempt to tarnish the protestors’ reputation for being morally-upstanding people).

In addition to the infiltration problem, the OWS protestors have been (rightly) upset and surprised when other Americans have responded negatively to their disruptive behavior. Are we such unyielding people that we become angry when a mob of people blocks traffic, disturbs the peace, and attempts to stop us from going to work? Can’t we accept these benevolent protestors are trying to make our lives better and just ignore all the inconvenience, violence, and crime that come in the process? We suppose it just goes to show how ungrateful we overly-entitled 1% people can be.

In other news, some Americans are beginning to question why a group that is supposedly supporting a 100% employment rate would want to stop hard-working, well-employed Wall Street businessmen from reaching their jobs (most of whose companies, incidentally, employ thousands of people). Alas, on that point we find that the protestors are enlightened beyond on our wisdom, and so we must remain silent.


The Thought Report 2011 is still available for the modest price of £5 from

Merry Christmas!

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